I finally gave in to peer pressure and decided to join the professional networking site, LinkedIn. For those of you who do not know, LinkedIn is a site similar to Facebook, but instead of jokes and statuses of your shitty day that I don't care about, you put your resume up.
Although I am not actively looking for another job, I couldn't help but feel like I was cheating on my job by joining LinkedIn. The day after I added my boss on LinkedIn, I felt like I couldn't look him in the eye at work. The shame and guilt overwhelmed me.
In my mind, joining LinkedIn was similar to a married man joining Match.com. "No honey, I am not looking for another woman. My profile is up on that dating website just because".
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Videogame Health
I recently started playing with my Xbox again. The shit these games can do nowadays is insane. But despite all the graphical and technological advancements, videogames are still really fucking stupid when it comes to one thing: health.
In real life, if I was injured in battle and a gang of hoodlums were chasing me, my wounds would not heal by eating the sandwich I randomly found on the ground. I need to run the fuck away from the bad guys, I don't need a full stomach to cramp and slow me down. Eating can wait.
Another thing that doesn't make sense is that food was on the floor! If anything, that should decrease my health by giving me explosive diarrhea or cause me to projectile vomit.
Videogame creators need to let go of this "food for health" cliche already. Health packs make sense, but eating dirty food off the ground for health was a horrible idea that has surprisingly stuck around for 20+ years.
In real life, if I was injured in battle and a gang of hoodlums were chasing me, my wounds would not heal by eating the sandwich I randomly found on the ground. I need to run the fuck away from the bad guys, I don't need a full stomach to cramp and slow me down. Eating can wait.
Another thing that doesn't make sense is that food was on the floor! If anything, that should decrease my health by giving me explosive diarrhea or cause me to projectile vomit.
Videogame creators need to let go of this "food for health" cliche already. Health packs make sense, but eating dirty food off the ground for health was a horrible idea that has surprisingly stuck around for 20+ years.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Road Kill
I thought I saw a dead dog on the road and I became really sad.
As I drove closer, I noticed it was actually a dead cat and I immediately stopped giving a fuck.
Coldstone Ice Cream
Even though I put $2 into the tip jar at Coldstone, the girl didn't sing anything.
I don't know why the lazy bitch acted surprised and pissed when I took my $2 back out of the tip jar.
Mothers Day
Without any type of standardized competition, I think it's really arrogant for people to say they have the "best mom in the world".
Realistically, I probably have the 354,821th best mom in the world.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Plan B with Opie
Last night, I was a guest on my friend's podcast called, "Plan B with Opie". I recommend you give that show a listen. My homie Opie is pretty funny. Dude is like a one man show. He does crazy impressions and keeps you entertained the whole time.
But yeah, he decided to ruin one of his shows by having me as a guest. After listening to myself on the podcast, I'm pretty embarrassed. I guess I should apologize to anyone who has had a face to face conversation with me. I sound like a straight special ed student. I sound like someone who used to have a speech impediment but is working real hard on annunciating his words.
I guess I should stick to writing. Judging by my appearance on the show, my verbal skills are horrendous. But anyways, it was a ton of fun and I hope to do it again.
To find his show, go to itunes and search Plan B with Opie under podcasts. Like I said, listen to all his shit, its really good. But if you are looking for the one I ruined, its the one tittled, "Moderate This".
But yeah, he decided to ruin one of his shows by having me as a guest. After listening to myself on the podcast, I'm pretty embarrassed. I guess I should apologize to anyone who has had a face to face conversation with me. I sound like a straight special ed student. I sound like someone who used to have a speech impediment but is working real hard on annunciating his words.
I guess I should stick to writing. Judging by my appearance on the show, my verbal skills are horrendous. But anyways, it was a ton of fun and I hope to do it again.
To find his show, go to itunes and search Plan B with Opie under podcasts. Like I said, listen to all his shit, its really good. But if you are looking for the one I ruined, its the one tittled, "Moderate This".
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Avoiding Someone at the Mall
Today I ran into an old friend at the mall. At first it was pretty awesome. "How ya doing!? Yeah? Great! It's so good to see you again. We should definitely catch up!" We then said our good byes and exchanged warm smiles.
No more than 20 minutes later, I see the same friend walking at a distance. Fuck. I don't want to have that awkward, "Oh hey! You again!" moment. To avoid this potentially embarrassing situation, I quickly entered the nearest store to me. I didn't give a fuck what store it was, I needed to avoid this dude. Screw it, I was planning on going into Ladies Footlocker anyways.
With that crisis averted, I continued on shopping and enjoying the mall. Lo and behold, 10 minutes later, I see the same motherfucker and this time he sees me too. But this time, it's way too late to try and duck into another store. We both looked at each other, gave the awkward smile and shared a bullshit passing joke. "You're still here shopping too!?" Ha-fuckidy-ha.
At this point, I'm sick of the mall. Fuck shopping, fuck socializing. Get me the fuck out of here. On my way to my car, I run into the same asshole again!!!! This time, we both ignore each other and pretend we are both on our cell phones. Fuck this guy. This annoying son of a bitch ruined my day. It's no wonder I never made the effort to keep in touch with him after all these years.
No more than 20 minutes later, I see the same friend walking at a distance. Fuck. I don't want to have that awkward, "Oh hey! You again!" moment. To avoid this potentially embarrassing situation, I quickly entered the nearest store to me. I didn't give a fuck what store it was, I needed to avoid this dude. Screw it, I was planning on going into Ladies Footlocker anyways.
With that crisis averted, I continued on shopping and enjoying the mall. Lo and behold, 10 minutes later, I see the same motherfucker and this time he sees me too. But this time, it's way too late to try and duck into another store. We both looked at each other, gave the awkward smile and shared a bullshit passing joke. "You're still here shopping too!?" Ha-fuckidy-ha.
At this point, I'm sick of the mall. Fuck shopping, fuck socializing. Get me the fuck out of here. On my way to my car, I run into the same asshole again!!!! This time, we both ignore each other and pretend we are both on our cell phones. Fuck this guy. This annoying son of a bitch ruined my day. It's no wonder I never made the effort to keep in touch with him after all these years.
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